Thursday 14th April 2005

Three years ago, someone very close to me, was wild about the debut song by new starlet, Vanessa Carlton. At the time, I thought of it, nothing more than a great song, with a great melody and inspiringly fresh video. Listening to it now, on MTV Hits last night, I awoke from my sleep and realise how important the lyrics are to me, in the present, in the here and now. The brief verse which rings an eternal truth, “It’s always times like these, When I think of you, And I wonder, If you ever, Think of me”. While I try my best to not fall into such stupid notions of dreamland, it is difficult. Someone can be in your thoughts constantly, but you never know for sure, if they ever reciprocate this affection for you in return. That is not a major question for me right now. The road is long and I have the added benefit of time to guide me. What am I striving for? We all know the answer to this question, the truth and an end to the lies. When this happens, the door will become open and my path to the one.

Not much to report I am afraid, work has been hectic and demanding, but nothing more than is expected. The middle of April and with the mixed weather, comes the realisation that I have now been working for four months into this support role. Time has been flying and I am learning more and more every day. Sure, I may wish my job was more exciting and glamorous but right now, that is not what my heart longs for. Stability, a foundation from which to gain experience and develop nurture my skills. Hmmmm, perhaps I better stop myself before this entry becomes far too work related.

There is very little going on in my life at the moment and little to look forward. I do not want to give the impression that I am not happy. This is no the case, I am very content but putting this down into words is difficult, particularly those whom do not know me or make contact with me on a regular basis. Slowly a routine and standard pattern is merging and I suppose like any human being I am slightly, apprehensive. The summer is around the corner and the prospects limitless. Yet, inside I still feel that there is something missing from this jigsaw puzzle. It is difficult to put a finger on this ‘something’ but I am still searching and contemplating. When was the last time you feel like you could touch the moon and every single one of your worries melted away in that instant? For me that moment, perhaps have never truly materialised. There is hope, my time will come.

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