Sunday 7th September 2003

So September comes around again. An important time for us all. Summer has come to a close and we look forward, with some optimism to the new academic year. For me personally, September, will always been a special time of year. As summer drifts into oblivion and becomes nothing but a distant memory, I look ahead and see the challenge that lies before me. My Final Year at University. The feeling I had, three years ago, when starting University for the first time, is something that will be extremely difficult to match. The feeling which I had then was something unique. It is difficult to express how I felt during late September and early October 2000. I suppose I could describe it as some ‘baptismal’ experience. Given the opportunity to start again. Indeed a fresh start was what I needed. Slowly I’m coming to terms that a similar, yet unusual feeling comes over me once again, as my mind drifts towards Leicester, De Montfort University and my computing course. Perhaps again, this is a new start for me. So much in my life has changed. A year out, has not just opened my eyes to how cruel the real world can be but also a realisation of how much you should enjoy student life. I can only label the entire placement experience as a great motivator. With hard work you can achieve anything. I never thought I would be going back to University in such circumstances, I had planned for something different entirely. No planning can compensate for the harsh card that life can deal you, at the most unexpected of times. That is not to say, we proved people wrong. Indeed, even doubters will have had to thought twice. How did this guy do it? We were sent to destroy his soul.

My MadAsAFish Web Account was officially closed last week. However, you may find that the website currently loads. I will be contacting the support team to shut my website this week.

No major updates to the site yet. I am working on added a host of new links. I’m also still working on a brand new version of the site. I will hopefully have it live by late next week.

I have been listening to Human Nature from the record breaking Thriller album, by Michael Jackson. I mentioned on my update, almost a month ago on Tuesday 12th August, that Jason Nevins had sampled the 80s classic for his summer dance anthem, “I’m In Heaven”. Looking back over a year in my life, I see that I can clearly place many of my actions, responses and feelings on human nature. Telling those that needed to know, was the difficult part. I suppose, as events folded out, I was more concerned with the final outcome, rather than the why anything was happening and why I was feeling the way I did. No one was asking me the question, “Why” and I had very little time to contemplate it for myself. Now given the opportunity to reflect upon events in my life, and having the luxury of time, I find myself not asking questions but finding answers. What is meant to be, is meant to be. Of course, this may be the case and everything happens for a reason. That is not to say, we don’t deserve answers from those, we place our faith in. But if those people cannot provide us with answers and more importantly the answers we seek, we must uncover them on our own. I have found this journey to be one of the loneliness in my life. Looking back and not seeing familiar faces, you had expected to always to be there. Instead, a crowd of new faces and faith in people you unsure you can trust. Trust is extremely precious. We should be careful, for those we trust and have great faith in, can turn out to be our greatest doubters. For whatever reason, they want to make life difficult for you and prove their personal perceptions of you correct. You were a loser and always will be. For some the road is too long and the struggle far too challenging. They do have their souls destroyed.

For some, soul destroying maybe. For others, character building… After all, whoever wins is the Hero… Have I done enough for you yet?

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