Friday 30th September 2005

I got in just after 1am, so technically this entry should be filed under Saturday 1st October, but it is this is the perfect way to end the month of September. Why am I on the computer so late? As mentioned earlier, I was hoping to go to see the movie Goal! with my colleague Chris, but other family plans (on my side) got in the way and I had to reschedule. Having been sent down the long and winding road of at least two major guilt trips, I succumbed to the nagging and agreed to go out for a few hours. My ideal venue would have been Reading, but as Chris lives in my old college town, Henley, I decided it was time to lay a few ghosts to rest. The last time I had been out in Henley, I was a rather stupid 6th Former, with the world at his feet, and the real world a minor prospect, far far away in the distance. How times have changed. Coming back, was strange. Of all my time in Henley, I feel I did little to enjoy the nightlife there, and was lured by my friends to the bright lights of Reading.

Henley has changed beyond recognition, but it has been over five years. Yes, even I was shocked to discover it had been that long. The town has less of the quiet, tranquil Oxfordshire overtones. I am glad I came out to chat to my work colleague outside of work. It is only outside of the office environment, the suit, the tie, the constant phone calls you realise that deep down, we are actually just good friends. There is more common ground, than just the interest in football, SWOS and Championship Manager.

Sometimes, people say I’m too shy, too reserved and too cautious of what other people might think and how they might respond. Sure this is true, for I have learnt harsh lessons, that sometimes the best option is to say nothing. Rather than fill the gaps with nonsense, or tall tales of conquests (which no one can confirm or deny, but generally put down to twisting of the truth). Thankfully, I have been perhaps more honest these past few hours, that in the previous nine. That is no exaggeration. Sometimes, it is better to do what you need to do at the time. Rather than carry out the constant analysis of your actions to wait until the deed is done. At the end of the road, you will know that you can put this down to experience. The whole process becomes much easier, if the person you are talking to has encountered a very similar experience and made both the wrong and right decisions.

The Green Day rock ballad (if there is such a genre category) requests to the listener, Wake Me Up When September Ends. It has and as I awake from my dream, I discover that tomorrow, after nearly 10 months of waiting, hoping, praying, my own dream will become true. Perhaps this ending was not what, truly my heart longed for, but it is a step in the right direction. A realisation, that if I cannot have exactly what I want, I can still have something, which is better than nothing. I should look back at the amount of progress I have made in a relatively little amount of time and how I have gone from a nobody to a somebody, in the eyes of a complete stranger.

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